Sometimes if you feel bad, it may not be all in your head. It may not be your mindset.
For the past couple of… shit, years… I’ve been feeling generally subdued. Like everything is just a bit “meh”.
A lack of drive, difficulty concentrating and feelings of depression are symptoms of just about everything. Including depression.
It’s astonishing sometimes how much crap people are willing to put up with. I felt like this for a long long time, and did nothing about it.
The problem was me. It’s in my head. I don’t have enough drive? Suck it up sunshine. Try harder. Don’t feel like crushing this workout?
Suck it up sunshine. Try harder. Keep missing numbers in training? Suck it up sunshine. Try harder. Can’t focus on work?
Suck it up sunshine. Try harder.
I progressively got worse. Feeling more and more fatigued. Trouble sleeping. Reduced muscle mass, and increased body fat, seemingly for no reason. And then then poster children of symptoms crept in…
A complete absence of libido, and associated “mechanical issues”.
Suck it up sunshine. Try harder.Bad advice.
Even then it took me a while to go see a doctor. Men are idiots, and I am no exception. And I was convinced it was just a mental problem that I could overcome with willpower.
People might assume that this would mess with my head. Make me feel “less of a man”, or some bullshit, and I’d be champing at the bit to bring little buddy back to life. But I am an idiot.
Ultimately the thing that made me take action, finally, was the effect it was having on Jane. No amount of rationalizing makes the feeling of your partner losing interest go away.
So I went to a doctor, got a blood test and it turns out I have VERY low testosterone.
The average serum testosterone in men is around 700 ng/dl. The normal range is between 400-1100 ng/dl.
Mine is 250 ng/dl. Which puts me at half what your normal 90 year old man should expect to have.
The way this works in Australia is… well, shit. A GP cannot prescribe hormone therapy. Apparently 7-10 years of education and 25 years of on-the-job-experience means you can’t be trusted by the nanny state. So I’ve been referred to an endocrinologist in Geelong. There is a slightly staggering 3 month wait time for an appointment.
Presumably that means I’m not going to drop dead any time soon. But it is frustrating as all hell.
So, what’s next?
I wait. And wait… and wait…
As soon as treatment starts I’ll be keeping SUPER detailed notes of my recovery. I have tons of detail of my performance decline over the past couple of years, and it’ll be interesting to see if/how/when it goes back up. Assuming it’s due to a lack of androgens rather than just being useless.
Sometimes if you feel bad, it may not be all in your head. It may not be your mindset. Go get blood work done.
There’s a stupid trend at the moment to dismiss medical profession as “establishment” and “behind the times”. Doctors do actually know what they’re doing. They know more than you. Listen to them.